GLORIA CHANG:
Where the boys are
CBC News Viewpoint | May 23, 2006 | More from Gloria Chang

Gloria Chang Gloria Chang, BA, MA Journalism, is a freelance writer in Vancouver, BC. Over the past 12 years, she has written and reported for a variety of broadcasters and print and web publications including: Discovery Channel, CBC Radio, CBC French Television, Transcontinental Publishing and Vancouver Magazine. She likes to delve into social and cultural trends and issues. She is currently researching a book and documentary about cultural roots and legacy.


There is an urban myth running rampant among singles circles in Vancouver. Like a virus, it's infecting our social culture, beating down the women until they surrender in dating defeat. "You know there's a shortage of men," says Roslyn, who's resigned to the single life. "The ratio is 3 to 1," Karen, an outgoing single woman, states as a point of fact.

Among the men, the disease has produced parasites – some feeding off the contagion when an epidemic hits. "Women are so grateful for a date, you don't have to make as much of an effort," says Mike. "You know how women sleep with you on the first date hoping you'll fall in love with them," hints Patrick.

Patrick's remark is more a misfired attempt to test the waters – he is married after all – but I was fed up. The defeated damsel, the slacker stud, the glumness of it all. Had anyone actually counted? Why should numbers be an excuse for dating idleness? It was time for a debunk.

Just as I suspected, Statistics Canada reveals a different truth in its 2001 Census. Among 20- to 49-year-olds in Greater Vancouver, there are 208,545 single men and 176,060 single women. Single men outnumber women by a significant 32,485! Add the divorcees and the widowed into the available singles mix, and there are still 21,925 more men than women – across all age groups, all cities and municipalities in metropolitan Vancouver, and, in fact, across the province. The age at which available females start outnumbering men: 75. Presumably, it's because the men are dying.

Of course, there is the gay factor. Vancouver's West End neighbourhood is known for its thriving gay community. For this, I go to the Kinsey Institute, founded by American human sexuality researcher Alfred C. Kinsey. I take the incidence of homosexuality in a given population, and do the numbers. Final tally? Available women may outnumber men by a mere 3,906. Safe to say the gender balance is equal.

Urban singles myth debunked. But now I wondered: why are so many women convinced that they grossly outnumber the men?

"It's true, in Greater Vancouver, there are more women," says Raj Taneja, basing his remark on participation in organized social events. Taneja is president of two social clubs – Urban Mixer for singles and Social Empire, where participants engage in the old-fashioned art of social conversation. (A rash of social clubs and dating groups have appeared in Vancouver over the past few years). Although his registered e-mail list is balanced, it's a different scenario when it comes to actual attendance at events: "65 to 70 per cent are female and I have to work very hard to get the guys out in a lot of cases."

Peruse a dating website, however, and you'll get the opposite. Heterosexual Vancouver men outnumber women two- or three-fold at any given time. Hmm.

Taneja has a theory about why fewer Vancouver men go out to socialize. "It's easier to do business elsewhere," he says, so a lot of the entrepreneurial, alpha male types who would socialize have left the city for Alberta and Washington State, leaving behind the introverts and beefing up the social life outside Vancouver. To make his point, he notes that his recently launched Calgary social club skews the opposite with 79 per cent male participation.

Paddi Rice of Executive Search Dating, a boutique dating headhunter for professionals, finds his clientele gender split even – but only because they proactively seek out potential dating partners when the membership balance is out of whack. Rice says that women who seek his services often complain about the urban myth (now debunked) as well – citing a whopping five-to-one ratio. So, why do they think that? "I think it's because they're not approached by men."

Yes, Vancouver is not known for overly forward men. Some might use the words "timid," "passive" or "restrained," but Alex, a 35-year-old woman who recently arrived in Vancouver, puts it this way: "Their chatting up skills are pathetic. They're so backwards at coming forward."

And thoughts among the men? Rice, who believes there's a match for everyone, says, "There's a common misperception that Vancouver women are very difficult to approach... a little aloof."

Matt, a gay male, says the cooler social climate isn't exclusive to the heterosexual scene. "I find that gay men too are far less likely to engage in conversation."

These are generalizations of course – tidbits of anecdotal observation we build on to patch together a truth. Truer still: it's when we are in seek mode, lacking an essential part of the human experience, that we feel its absence to the extreme.

But here, I must reveal one last number: 33,040. This is the difference in numbers between married women and married men in Vancouver. You'd think they would be equal, but they are severely out of whack. It seems married women far outnumber married men in Vancouver, which results in a greater number of women in general. Although the ratios floating around are extreme, women who swear they see more women around aren't crazy.

In the end, however, numbers are just numbers. As Rice points out, when it comes to coupling up, "it's really more about your frame of mind and giving out a positive energy."

Agreed. Still, we are left with this: women in Vancouver do not get approached; men do not socialize; and married women – where are your husbands?

LETTERS:

One concept Gloria Chang failed to recognize in the discrepancy of woman to men who say they are married, is co-habitation.

If you asked women and men that have lived together for a time (let's say 2 years), I'm willing to bet the women would more often than not say that they are married, but the men would say they are not.

—Rob Collins | Prince George, B.C.

Women whining about the lack of men in Vancouver?? The real reason these women find it hard to find a man is that most Women in Vancouver are complete snobs.

Good luck trying to approach one to start a conversation unless you are rich or famous. I have been all over Canada and can say with certainty that the women in Vancouver are the least friendly and least approachable in the entire country.

There is a beer ad running on Vancouver radio that lists the rules of Vancouver, one of them states that it is illegal for an eligible single woman in Vancouver to smile. They hit the nail on the head.

—Troy Skolrood

There is a definite flaw in Gloria's calculation and assumption of the debunked theory regarding available women and heterosexual men.

In her article, she states that she did some research at the Kinsey Institute. She incorrectly used the incidence of homosexuality in a given population instead of taking the "actual" incidence of homosexuality in a given population. This is where her calculation is flawed. It is well known that in Vancouver, as well as in other specific cities, that the population of homosexuals is significantly higher than the overall population percentage.

As an example, if there are 100 homosexuals per thousand, one would expect that one out of every ten individuals would be a homosexual. However, if you take ten individuals from Denis Street in Vancouver, you may get 8 to 10 of those individuals who are homosexual. On the other hand, take 100 individuals off of one of our army bases, and you will note that there may be one or two, or not have any homosexuals.

The point is if you live in an area known for it's high density population of homosexuals, you cannot use the "Average incidence of homosexuality in a given population" to determine the population of the specific area. You must use the "actual incidence of homosexuality" in Vancouver to determine the population of available heterosexual males for your calculation.

Any other method will result in an abhoration of calculation, and a myth being perpetuated based on incorrect data.

One last thing... What is so strange about the higher number of women being married than men? It's a free and accepting society in Canada, and women are allowed to marry women. If you will accept the understanding that women wish to be married more than men, would it not be understandable that more homosexual women would marry than men?

It's a thought for your next article which you may want to explore. You might even debunk the new myth that there are more available single heterosexual women than single heterosexual men in Vancouver. It's not true.

—Wil Sevigny

So, men are approaching women less and socializing less. Who would of thought? I mean just because many women today demand soap-star looks, Mensa level intellects and Trump-sized bank accounts, that’s no reason for men to back off.

Just because today's bevy of new age women openly discuss intimate details of their lives with their "buddies" is no reason for men to look suspiciously at their character and think twice about opening up.

And the bitter hostility of today’s family court system that invariably punishes men, provides them with cursory access to their children and extracts crippling support payments – that, of course has nothing to do with men’s reluctance to get involved.

With every action comes an equal and opposite reaction. Years ago when the sexes had their roles, single adults were the exception. Today, when roles are blurred, men, being simple animals, no longer understand what they are, what they want or what’s expected of them. They are starting to realize, however, that when it comes to relationships, being alone and safe is better than being garnished and sorry.

—Ron Laffin | Toronto